Gods As Roommates Are Not Fun
by KlausCarolineLover
Summary: Thor/Veronica, Loki


"Quit tossing all of the damn food on the ground, Thor, it makes me not want to give you anything fragile."

That first night I had made the mistake of giving the god (who wouldn't stop saying how godly he was) a mug of hot chocolate, which of course ended up in a million pieces.

(you do not want to know what he did when he liked my comfy bed)

"I only do it when I enjoy something immensely, Veronica Mars, is that so horrible in your culture?"

For most human women it was hard to look at Thor's handsome mug, while he was swinging his L'Oreal hair in their faces, and tell him the ugly truth.

However that was never a problem for me, I got a lot of practice with his slimy brother Loki who was busy trying to grin his way into my heart (more likely my pants).

(which is closed off and not open to psychopaths like dear little brother)

"It's not horrible, Thor, it just sucks to clean up after you show all your love. Also the cat does not care to be thrown every time he does something cute."

To make my point I waved my hand over to Shadow, our fuzzy friend that Thor has grown quite attached to, who was still shaking after the last game of 'throw the small animal in joy.'

(the poor little girl also ran like hell whenever Loki decided to pop in for a visit which was way too many times)

Of course before I could put a final end to all of the damage to my apartment another damn god decided to come for an unwanted visit, and of all the gods in the world it had to be Loki.

One day I plan on just slapping that damn shit eating grin off his stupid mug, as you can tell he's been quite an annoyance ever since Thor started crashing here. For some strange reason I had let Tony Stark talk me into housing a Norse god in my two bedroom apartment, but the chuck of change that came with him wasn't so bad.

"Is it 'try and annoy the hell out of Veronica day' or something?"

Instead of going over to throw the cat once again, she was being super cute hissing at Loki, Thor got ready to kick some ass by calling over his hammer that has been very destructive to my household items.

(on the first day he had decided my coffee maker was a hellish fiend and hammered the hell out of it, actually it was quite the little devil)

"Miss Mars, it's always a pleasure to see your beautiful (sadly human) face to start out my day."

I let him kiss my hand, the last time he had tried the villain 101 trick I had rejected it quite loudly and nearly escaped his hissy fit thanks to Thor, and made sure to hide it when I wiped my hand off.

(this time I took it well unlike last time when he had decided my hand was not enough to slobber on and went for the lips, and my knee went for his godly junk)

"I could say the same, Loki, but I'm not one to lie. What brings you over this early, taking over the world, killing puppies, making asinine speeches, or all of the above?"

I waited like a patient little girl for the big freak out to come, when it happens and it always does he tends to finish off his fit by falling on my lips 'by accident', but this time Thor was there to calm him down.

"You and my dear brother (despite him trying to kill me and my loved ones over and over again) both have quite the silvery tongues."

Without trying to make it obvious Thor made himself the large object between us, knowing all too well that it wouldn't take long for us to go into frenzy mode, not wanting us to start a fight.

(hair pulling and eye gouging, plus a side of taser are my powers)

"Her own tongue seems to have thorns, brother, and I would love to prove that to be true by experiment, personally."

No way in hell would I have believed a few months ago that I would be hit on by a man, who with his pasty face and cruel ways was far from my type, who was dressed like a god all the way up to his horns.

(watching those horns conduct the electricity off my taser was a life changing thing)

"Enough, Loki, I won't have you assaulting my house mate. Now leave before we ruin this lovely woman's home with our fighting, it wouldn't be very polite."

"Well, you know me, Thor, all about the human social graces. Another day, perhaps, Veronica, your resistance is only pushing back the enviable. I always claim what I want, and if it also involves forsaking my brother to gain it, all the better."

When Loki and his bad self finally went away in his magical damn way, believing the sun revolves around him and because of that the panties should drop, my filter went away and I bashed the hell out of Mr. Mischief.

(if he ever comes popping back in suddenly he might murder me and my insolent month)

"Yeah right, he majorly fucked up taking over us mewling quims, so much for getting everything he wants. I highly doubt that any woman, human or even god, would fall for his extra slimy ways that is if they are clever enough not to fall for his bullshit."

After my venting was finished, remembering the old days where I would vent to the person's face and not fear death (a lesson I should have known back than). I looked over to my roommate wondering if he would scold me for calling his brother a failure or finally figure out how crazy I was.

(me keeping any type of buck mate was a small miracle because my silvery tongue usually drove them mad)

"Veronica Mars, your biting words are quite hilarious, Tony agrees as well, but one day they will be your doom."

It wasn't the first time that someone told me I would someday die because of my snark, even my freaking dad would say that every once and a while, and my month has placed me in some life ending situations.

(however I may have a silvery tongue but I also have a sharp mind to get me out of those sticky moments)

"Trust me, Thor; I know that all too well. However, when it comes to your little brother I simply cannot help myself, but don't worry I'll try incredibly hard not to say it to his face."

"Good. Now, young one, where is that cat? Even mighty gods have the urge to cuddle little animals."

That first night Shadow made the mistake of greeting my large guest, who was in the process of trying to find human clothes to hide in and looked like a homicide lumberjack. Thor managed to scare the shit out of the poor guy when he started to cuddle him and nearly squashed him.

"Just don't throw the poor thing, he already saw Loki today and that would rattle any small creature."

After Loki's first visit, which ended up with me insulting him and his horns (and him trying to kiss me while I tried to find Mr. Taser), Shadow now knew when to run and it also gave me a chance to run myself.

(or get some type of weapon ready, or call Banner to come and smack a bitch)

"I can't promise that, Veronica Mars, because it does cute things quite often and I cannot help myself."

He pulled out the cute with a dash of possible madness grin, the one that made you forget that he accidently killed your furry friends, and I found myself falling for it just like all those mindless girls.

(at least falling for his cuteness was better than falling for Loki's which would end up leading to horrible things and badly done take over plots, or forced marriages)

"Fine, but you are making a small donation to the shelter and getting me a new kitten if you kill it."

(and trust me the big guy ended up donating a whole lot money to the shelter during his stay)

"A deal, fair maiden, is made. Shadow, where are you hiding, small one?"

(that little kitty of mine had the brains to skip town just in case Thor came to play with him, smart guy)


End file.
